Nix the Six

150 days til what I'm planning 2 be the last day that I work 4 somebody else. Yep. still scared shitless, but I'm making this journey.

I was reading a book and it suggested that if U want 2 change your life, change the company U keep. Evaluate where U R now and how it's different from where U want 2 go. It then said 2 list the six people U spend the majority of your time with. The six people U spend most of your time with should represent the lifestyle/values/quality of life you are on the journey to attaining. If they are not, you should change them.

So, I made my list of six. Yep, all broke like me! The most glaring thing I noticed is who occupied the #1 slot. Not my bf, not my mom, not any of my best friends (in fact my best friends didn't even make the list!). Nope. The #1 slot is occupied by that crazy red-head I work with. My lovely and sometimes slightly disturbed co-worker. 8 hours a day, every day, five days a week. She's married with kids, very happy where she is, not looking 2 change anything and we truly couldn't be more different. Lawd hamercy. That has GOT 2 change and WILL in exactly 150 days.

Who will she be replaced with? I don't know, but according to my criteria it should be someone who's either:

1. Wealthy (making over six figures a year at least)
2. Working their passion full time (preferably music/acting/writing)
3. Someone adventurous who seeks more knowledge
4. Upwardly mobile and embraces new ideas
5. Well connected socially

I must fill my inner circle, or should I say my inner rings, with people who personify these traits. Tori, AC, 2 bad U guys live so far away cuz I would be hanging with U ALL THE TIME! You'd probably get sick of seeing my ass!

It's all good though. I'm so excited right now. I'm at the crossroads of major positive changes in my life and it's a great place 2 b.

"I feel good like I knew that I would, now!" - James Brown, I Feel Good

Betsy Got the Shakes

So, I get in the car this morning 2 come 2 work, smile on my face because it's the start of a beautiful new day, I put the car in reverse, and lo and behold, my Betsy gets the shakes. My Betsy shook me all the way to the auto shop. I figure I needed a tune up anyway, right?

Well, it was a spark plug. It got burned. Wires and all. I figure ok, that doesn't sound too bad ... until he tells me how much it will cost. FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!! That's $500 Benjamins, baby! Now, I know I'm a millionaire and I'm abundant with wealth and all, but the fact is, I don't actually have that million dollars I've claimed from the Universe yet, and my ass is pretty broke, borderline red line here. Thank God 4 credit cards. What's another $500 debt, right?

Well, I have 2 look on the bright side ... it could have been worse. At least I don't have to buy another car!

"In the Ferrari, Jaguar, switching 4 lanes with the top down screamin' out, money ain't a thang." - Jay-Z/Jermaine Dupri, Money Ain't a Thang

But What About Paris?

So, when making my 90 day pledge yesterday I completely forgot that I was planning a trip to Paris this June. Obviously I can't quit my job before I go 2 Paris ... how am I supposed to pay for it with no job?? So my NEW pledge is to quit on July 31, 2006.

Now that's completely doable ... though I'm not sure how many days that is.

I can breathe a bit now ... I was getting myself a lil' bit worried there!

"Won't U take me 2 ... Funkytown?!" - Lipps (I think)

My 90 Day Pledge

Damn. U know it's bad when even your boss says, "I can't believe you're still here." That's what my boss said to me today. He expected me to quit ages ago because even he knows I'm not living up to my potential in life. I'm so much better than this ... job. The only reason I've stayed is complacency - this job is easy, it's safe, I make decent money, have no job related stress and I know that when I do leave that I don't want to have to work another J-O-B making somebody else money. I want to work for myself.

I read somewhere once though that if making a change scares U, U should do it because it's good 4 U ... or some bullish like that.

Two or three years ago I told a co-worker "if I'm still here by the time I turn 30, shoot me in the head!" Well, folks, October ain't that far off! And I don't want 2 get shot, so, it's time I made some changes.

My business is growing well, but I won't be able to earn a livable income from it for at least another year, more than likely another year and a half, but I won't let that stop me. I'm a survivor and it's time that I prove it.

Unfortunately, my music may have to suffer short term while I make these changes, but everything that I do I have the ultimate goal of having the time and financial freedom to truly pursue my art(s) at the root of it.

So, here's my pledge to myself - come Hell or high water, in exactly 90 days, that's May 24, 2006, I will resign from my job. I've been here for over five years now when it was only supposed to be temporary. The time has come to move on.

I'm scared shitless. And like some bozo said, perhaps that's a good thing.

"For 90 days and 90 nights I'll sweat until I find the light." - Saturn, Heat Wave

A Shitty Day

It must have been a bad omen when my boss's dog squatted behind my chair in the office this morning and erupted into a loud explosion of diarrhea all over the carpet. I should have known then that I would have a shitty day.

I can't quite put my finger on it except 2 say that I'm not quite myself today. Customers are bugging the shit out of me, I'm in a general state of annoyance, it's snowing outside all over my freshly cleaned car, I really don't want to be here at my job (newsflash!), but there's just an extra ... oh, I don't know ... air of stench about the place today. What could it be?

Maybe I need 2 get laid. I'm calling the bf and hopefully I can meet him after I get off of work and he can help turn my frown upside down ... or hell, even just turn me upside down. That might work, too.

I'm wearing new clothes today. I should be happy. Cue the music, DJ.

"It's just one of 'dem days when I wanna be all alone." - Monica, One of Them Days

A Dumb Ass Move

U know, I usually always refrain from talking about anything political on this blog, but I couldn't help myself this time. So Bush thinks it's a good idea to hand over 6 U.S. Ports, including the one here in Baltimore, to the United Arab Emmirates who have financial links to the hijackers in 9/11. What the f*ck?? I mean, really, do I need 2 say anymore than that?

Thank God people are rallying against this idiotic move. The Bush Administration is defending its actions saying that we still "need to have a robust global trading economy" and that they have secret security "protocols" in place. I was baffled when our clever Prez got re-elected but this sounds like the all time stupidest idea he's had yet.

I hope they can put a stop to it.

"Run 2 the zoo but don't feed guerillas who wanna blow up the world." - Prince, Ronnie Talk 2 Russia

Hanging with the Golden Girls

Well, not really, but I am jetting off to Miami this morning for a week. I have so been looking 4ward 2 this trip, chillin' in the sun with a dacquiri, reflecting, LOL.

I closed another chapter in my life last night when "Six Degrees" closed. I think of how happenstance it was that I even saw the audition notice. Isn't it wonderful when good unexpected things occur in life?

Well, here's to more of the same in Miami.

Back in 7 days!

"Here we go again, this self analysis. Have another glass and pour it in a ... forget this! The band is playing at the club tonight and they're bound 2 groove." - Prince, The Holy River

More Music, More Drama

I can't believe it's already February ... what the hell happened to January? I've been so super busy this month I barely had time to register that a month has passed. I guess my lack of entries in my lil' blog here goes to prove just how busy I've been. I've been thoroughly neglectful of my dutiful readers ... all 3 of U (but BL I see you 4 days a week and U get ALL the scoop, not just the little bit I write about here ;-) )

So, just 2 quickly touch bases:

1. Six Degrees closes this weekend, only 2 shows left. I'm really going to miss this role and this show. This role is by far my favorite and I believe I gave the best acting performance of my life to date during the show last Saturday. I can't explain it except to say that I actually wore Paul's skin. Little nuances and details and new emotions appeared that I had nothing to do with, it just came from actually being the character instead of acting the character. For once I got out of my head and just let my gut and my soul do all the work. It was fascinating 4 me. I hope I can get to that place again.

2. I went to the studio on Monday night for the first time in what seems like a long time but what's only actually been since November. The song I worked on was "Adonis" ... it's from that pop/rock EP I've been slowly putting together since like last March or some bullish like that. All I have to say is ... wow. It sounds great. Rarely am I this happy at this point in the process of a song. I mean it's not even mixed yet. Really the only thing left is the guitar solo in the bridge and the mixing. I can only hope that the other four songs turn out this good! I should finally be finsihed with this EP in March. We're getting close. Don't know when I'll release it though. I have something up my sleeve, still working it all out.

3. Pat called me the other day and suggested I send a package to the new Sony "gay" label Music with a Twist. I'd heard of this but never thought to send them anything because ... well, I've never sent a major label anything. I mean, what's the point? Will they actually open it anyway, much less listen to it? Even if they did and liked it, what then? You have to be SO careful when dealing with record labels. Way too many artists have been screwed from not understanding the fine print. Anyhoo, I thought it rather odd that he would call out of the blue and suggest this. He's been in the business a long time and has always said I had major label potential and SHOULD be knocking on their door, so I took this as sign. 1 hour of internet searching, 6 phone calls and 2 messages later and I still don't have an address or contact to send a package to. So, ok, maybe it wasn't a sign. LOL. It's all good. I know my time will come.

4. I made the startling realization the other day that I've written no new songs since I met my boyfriend. I've had ideas, but no full fledged songs. Granted I've alreayd written hundreds so I'm not too concerned about that, I just wonder to myself if it's easier for me to create when I'm sad, lonely and heartbroken than it is when I'm happy? I don't think that's true at all, but if it were true I'd gladly never write another song! 5 months and we're going strong! I believe 4 the first time in my life I'll actually have someone to be with on Valentines! Hmmm, maybe I could write a song about that!

"Could b an organ donor the way I give up my heart ..." - Outkast, Happy Valentine's Day